A Visit With Mr. Act Right
Mr. Act Right is the name of the large wooden paddle my principal uses to beat children. We did not have a Mr. Act Right at the high school I attended in Vermont. At the schools I went to as a student, principals did not use anything to beat children: not their fists, not their feet, not even inanimate objects with comical names. But down here in Mississippi, lots of principals have a Mr. Act Right, or their own version of Mr. Act Right.
Lots of paddles are painted or have designs burned into the wood. One principal by the name of Macintosh, a large burly black man (like so many Delta principals), named his paddle the "Mac Attack." The name is emblazoned on the paddle in bright red paint. You can almost picture him chasing students into an assembly, waving the paddle and threatening, "Y'all get in there before you catch a Mac Attack."
The paddle is used to inflict physical justice on students of all ages and for all manner of infraction. This is generally left to the discretion of the principal. When students receive licks, they bend over a desk or chair with their butt pointed in the air. If no desk or chair is available, the student should place their hands against the wall. If the student is small enough, principals have even been known to pick them up with one hand and paddle with the other. This provides exercise for the principal, and is really doing the student a favor, since the principal will not be able to get his full force behind the thick wooden paddle.
Like professional tennis players, some principals paddle with a one-handed grip, whereas others prefer the two-handed grip. Unlike tennis players, however, a paddle-swinging principal should avoid unnecessary follow-through. The secret to a good lick is to minimize the length of time the paddle is in contact with the behind. Snap that wrist and bring the wood away quickly so the strike will not be smothered. Think of a football player snapping a towel in a high school locker room--think of the way a pit viper attacks its prey. This is how a principal should discipline a student.
Students have been raised to accept paddling, and do not seem to bear any greater grudge against the principal than if he had given them detention or a writing assignment. I have come to accept paddling as a part of Southern life, and like my students I shed no tears when the wooden handle of justice falls on someone else's behind. Maybe some life lessons are best taught with liberal doses of white-pine deliberance. After all, I'm not here to agree or disagree with the way things are done. I just advise my students to be diligent, respectful young people and avoid the wrath of Mr. Act Right.
Lots of paddles are painted or have designs burned into the wood. One principal by the name of Macintosh, a large burly black man (like so many Delta principals), named his paddle the "Mac Attack." The name is emblazoned on the paddle in bright red paint. You can almost picture him chasing students into an assembly, waving the paddle and threatening, "Y'all get in there before you catch a Mac Attack."
The paddle is used to inflict physical justice on students of all ages and for all manner of infraction. This is generally left to the discretion of the principal. When students receive licks, they bend over a desk or chair with their butt pointed in the air. If no desk or chair is available, the student should place their hands against the wall. If the student is small enough, principals have even been known to pick them up with one hand and paddle with the other. This provides exercise for the principal, and is really doing the student a favor, since the principal will not be able to get his full force behind the thick wooden paddle.
Like professional tennis players, some principals paddle with a one-handed grip, whereas others prefer the two-handed grip. Unlike tennis players, however, a paddle-swinging principal should avoid unnecessary follow-through. The secret to a good lick is to minimize the length of time the paddle is in contact with the behind. Snap that wrist and bring the wood away quickly so the strike will not be smothered. Think of a football player snapping a towel in a high school locker room--think of the way a pit viper attacks its prey. This is how a principal should discipline a student.
Students have been raised to accept paddling, and do not seem to bear any greater grudge against the principal than if he had given them detention or a writing assignment. I have come to accept paddling as a part of Southern life, and like my students I shed no tears when the wooden handle of justice falls on someone else's behind. Maybe some life lessons are best taught with liberal doses of white-pine deliberance. After all, I'm not here to agree or disagree with the way things are done. I just advise my students to be diligent, respectful young people and avoid the wrath of Mr. Act Right.
posted by Joel Hebert at 12:46 PM
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